


Incinerated Dreams

by Kirimari46



Category: Free!, Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28263678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirimari46/pseuds/Kirimari46
Summary: Asuka was an upcoming swimmer. Becoming an athlete and competing in the Olympics one day was her dream. Although, her dreams were set on fire. She left everything related to swimming in her past and moved on to a more humble present. However, the past is a funny thing and it might come knock on your door when you least expect it.
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. It's for science!

Preface

I am

I am the coldness of the rocks

And the warmth of your arms

I am the violence of the waves

And the softness of the drizzle

I am the fury of the winds

And the kiss of the sun

I am the cell that holds me

And the overwhelming force that will set me free

-B (on pinterest)

***

Chapter 1

A fresh breath. She needed fresh breath, but she didn't bother to lift her arm and open the window. The room was mostly empty. An empty space for an empty life. Not a picture-perfect life, definitely not what Asuka had in mind. It was a place she filled with nothing, because she got rid of everything and it would be her own cage forever. It was a useless attempt to face what had become her hopeless opus.

Headstrong, she would pick her own death. Nothing had gone the way she thought it would. She hoped it was not yet time to face what had brought her so much darkness.

Ever since she had to give up her dream of competitive swimming, Asuka's room had become empty. Her head and heart were empty too, when they were not filled to the brim with the guilt and sadness of the mistakes she had done.

The doorbell rang once. It was still early. Asuka had class in just a couple hours. Maybe it was time to get up. The doorbell rang twice. She jumped off her bed. Her parents were not home at that time. The mailman smiled as he inspected the messy young girl and she thanked him for the package.

After she had put it on the kitchen counter, Asuka verified it was indeed a package for her. Just in time for her friend's birthday. She opened up a drawer and grabbed the first sharp knife she landed her eyes on. She cut the tape that enclosed the cardboard and opened its flaps to reveal a modest packaging. The outside of the smaller box disclosed a string of various coloured lights and the image of a device Asuka assumed to be the remote control. A wide and easy grin opened in her face. She would be able to offer Fuyumi her gift on her birthday after all. She recalledl how much the girl had been craving neon lights in her room for decoration. It fitted her aesthetic, in Asuka's opinion.

Her test ended later than she anticipated. She whispered to her friend that she had to pass by the volleyball gym before she left the class and promised to meet with the group in a matter of minutes. At that time, everyone would already be in the gym and left their phones in their club rooms. No one would pick up her call. And it was easier to head over the gym than to try and call every single member.

She sauntered the empty halls. The peace and quiet was joyful and in much contrast with what she was used to. Especially ever since she agreed to join the boys volleyball team as a manager. It had been a year already, but she never got over the noise.

"Kiyoko," Asuka whispered near the gym's open door.

The dazzling older girl glanced over her shoulder and Asuka signaled her to approach her in a discrete way.

"Do you need something, Asuka?"

"Sorry. Completely forgot to give anyone a heads up, but I need to bail practice today," Asuka pleaded. "It's my friend's birthday and Fuyumi wants to go to karaoke. Can you handle the boys by yourself?"

"So, not only are you late, you are bailing too." Daichi's severe voice emerged from behind Kiyoko.

Asuka sniffed as she thought of how to deal with the captain's bilious face.

"Just once?" Asuka's voice was higher than usual.

"It's okay." Kiyoko said. "I can deal with practice for today."

"Thank you, Kiyoko!" Asuka grinned.

However, Daichi crossed his arms,

"You're going to help us with spikes tomorrow, then."

"Setting the ball? Sure, no problem."

"Oh, no. You will be receiving."

"Ahn?" Asuka didn't know how to get away from it, but it was too late as Daichi was already headed inside.

"I'm sure he's just joking." Kiyoko smiled warmly.

"Right? Just joking… right?" Asuka laughed, but there was nervousness latent in her voice

Uncounciously, Asuka held her right arm protectively as she whirled to leave. Her friends awaited her.

***

"Go fish."

Asuka smirked with the new card in her hand. Calmly, she rested the cards on the table. The full deck of queens stared at her opponents that gawked.

"How come you are always so lucky?" Fuyumi wondered.

"Skill, my friends. It's pure skill." Asuka answered as she crossed her legs.

All eyes were set on her. Suspicion rose between them.

"You must be cheating."

"Nope."

As the song came to an end, Yukiko handed the microphone to Asuka.

"Want a turn?"

Asuka accepted the microphone and reached for the tablet on the table while the girls continued their game of cards. Asuka's winning streak was unbeatable to the group. She had been accused of cheating again and again, however, with nothing to back those accusations, they would go down the drain and be forgotten until Asuka held a deck of cards again. She had lost count of how many people had given up playing with her due the frustration of assured loss.

"Have you guys heard the rumours about the swimming club?" Nozomi questioned. "Anyone has a four?"

Asuka's eyes left the screen as she turned her attention to the girl. Those were words she hadn't heard in a long time.

"Go fish." Fuyumi replied. "What swimming club?"

"They are reopening the school's pool and are looking for new members."

"Oh, I heard about that. Apparently, the club members are cleaning and arranging the pool themselves."

"Isn't it too cold to swim outside?"

"I know right? Seems irrelevant to be opening the pool if they can't use it once they're done."

"But who are we to judge…"

The group laughed at the comment. Asuka was pensative. She wasn't even aware that Karasuno Highschool had a swimming pool at all. She wished she hadn't heard those words. However, curiosity struck her. She missed it. How she let the water wash over her. She could lose her feet. Lose the sense of time and see how far it would go.

She had always prefered the ocean, because it was mysterious. Full of secrets. And she never got hurt in the ocean. The pool, however, was another tale.

***

What was she even doing? She tried not to think about it all day. She kept on getting distracted by the thought of the swimming club grand reopening. Or whatever it was being advertised. She should be headed to the volleyball club gym, but her legs moved on their own. Even if she was bruised and hurt, she still wanted to see it for herself. Just a peek. No one had to know. Leaning on her pride was a natural thing for her.

She followed the directions Nozomi had given her earlier. It came to a surprise how she had been there so many times before and yet never noticed the empty swimming pool. How was that even possible she would never understand. The club room was familiar. Asuka sneaked beyond the worn out, compact building, towards the pool. She used the bushes that surrounded the bottom of the wire grid to hide herself from pry eyes. As she crawled behind the bushes, she would peek over the greenery in an attempt to spot members of this so-called swimming club. However, there was not a single soul. It disheartened her. Whoever was taking over the club, wasn't taking it seriously. They would work hard everyday if that were the case. She was ready to leave her hiding spot in the bushes and leave to help Kiyoko, however low muffled voices kept her from leaving her hiding spot.

The voices were present, however Asuka didn't make out one single word of what was being said. Even at that moment, there was not a single body in sight. She shuffled closer. She grabbed the grid and leaned her ear towards the cold wire. From the different tones of voice, Asuka assumed there were at least three people in the empty pool. One of the voices was louder, but the words were still muffled. She closed her eyes in an attempt to concentrate on the voices only. It was working, but not for the reason Asuka thought. Indeed, the words became clearer and louder. Like the wall between them disappeared. She suddenly understood the reason behind this at the same time that the voice was cut-off.

The world was big, but she thought she was bigger. However, the Miyagi Prefecture was small and re-encounters were bound to happen sooner or later.

Asuka opened her eyes to find a blond boy that stared right at her. The sleeves of his black uniform were rolled over his elbows and his face was dirty. His eyes were shining with delight.

Her body froze as she could only stare back at the boy with wide eyes and raised brows. She recognized him.

"Uhm, hello!" the boy waved at her.

Finally, Asuka let go of the grid and stepped back. He hadn't changed one bit. Surely, he was taller, but kept his average built and wavy blond hair. Just like she remembered. A voice called to the boy. The name was pronounced clearly. It penetrated her ears.

"Nagisa!"

The boy was distracted by it and Asuka took that chance to run away. She only came to a stop when the club room was completely out of sight as she whirled her head to peek over her shoulder. She kept pacing towards the volleyball gym. If he was there, Asuka wondered if it was possible that the others were too. Maybe the rest of the club were just random people. It was too much of a coincidence that they would all wound up at the same school after all those years. It was impossible. Or was it?

***

"You're telling me that you sneaked into the swimming club and got caught?" Tanaka repeated a simple version of Asuka's story.

Asuka remained seated on the wooden floor with defeat in her face. She sniffed and stared at her shoes. She didn't answer, but the bleakness in her face was enough for them.

"What a idiot." Tsukishima scoffed.

"What were you even doing there?"

"There were rumours... "

"And you went to check it out." Tanaka finished her sentence and Asuka nodded.

"Oi," Sugawara joined the conversation. "Big dummy." he poked into Asuka's head of blonde hair repeatedly with a blithe expression marked on his face. "It's not that big of deal."

"Actually, it's hilarious." Tsukishima added.

"They probably don't even remember your face by now." Sugawara continued to poke into her head.

That was the problem. Nagisa knows Asuka's face. He didn't recognize her, though. Maybe it was better that way.

"Stop doing that!" Asuka demanded as she gave the boy a side glance.

"It's for science!" he responded.

"How is that for science?"

"How many times can I poke Asuka until she tells me to stop."

Asuka forced her mouth to smile lightly. All Sugawara wanted was to cheer her up. Or at least, feel less gloomy. She was aware of that, even if it was through weird methods. And so, she tried her best to make the part, even if her chest were heavy.

Everyone had their reasons and ways. She admitted her way of doing things was not the best, but there was no other option, not for her. When the darkness blinds you, you lose sight of the best things around you.

Even if she looked different than four years ago, she wanted to believe her friends could still recognize her even if she had cut her hair and dyed it blonde. Asuka had to keep reminding herself that they were not friends anymore. She made sure of that.

***

A/N:

This is my early christmas gift for you, I'm sorry if it sucks. It was either this or the Tyrion Lannister gif saying "I'm the present!".

Jokes aside, I hinted this crossover on my profile. Although, I also reminded myself that I should re-watch 'Free!', since it's been a while and I didn't. Also, I'm struggling with remembering the sequence of events in 'Haikyuu!'. Am I going to re-watch the shows? Nobody has time for that. Will I write this entirely based on my very sucky and short term memory? Yes, yes I will. So forgive me if events seem out of order, because they probably are.

I created a new OC for this fic, it's my second one and I'm kind of pleased with her. It's completely different from Oriana in Dishonesty, literally the opposite. However, I know where this story is going and let me tell you, it's angst. WHAT ELSE IS NEW. But I think she has an interesting development and a kind of twisted one. Will it have a happy ending, you ask. Hahahaha. You a funny one.

Speaking of christmas. I'm in my early twenties and one of my closest friends gifted me an small Oikawa pillow that I absolutely adore and I kinda slept with it last night. I don't know if it's cringe or not. I'm still pondering, but I'm so in love with it that I'm feeling kind of inclined to write an Oikawa fanfic. What do you think of that?


	2. Were you too afraid to look?

Time had gone too fast. Weeks passed by too quickly and Asuka got lost in her routines. In the last few days, the Karasuno Volleyball team finally found a proper coach, their libero and their ace were back and they had another practice match with Nekoma Highschool. After these events, Asuka and Kiyoko were busy trying to find a new manager for the club. Soon, Kiyoko would graduate and Asuka would be left alone with the boys. A scenario both agree that could not happen. To find a new member after the first few months of classes would be a difficult task as most first years were already enrolled in a club. Or were starting a new one, like the swimming club.

Asuka shook the thoughts of the day she was face to face with her old friend Nagisa. Even if they were at the same school she had not crossed paths with any of them again. It would be fine. She wouldn't have to deal with it. She sniffed harshly and brought herself back to real life. The palm of her hand fell from under her chin and she straightened her back as if with that posture, she would actually pay attention to the conversation her friends were having.

"Hello, girls!" Nozomi approached their table under the warm sun. "I brought a friend with me, I hope you don't mind."

"Hello everyone! I'm Hitoka Yachi! Nice to meet you!" the new blonde girl blabbered.

Asuka had to suppress a laugh. She found her shyness adorable. Nozomi sat near her sister, Fuyumi, and Yachi sat next to Asuka.

"Nice to meet you." the group responded.

"So, Asuka, how was the practice game?"

"Our team lost." her voice was low as she stared at her small box of food.

"That sucks. Who was it against again?"

"Nekoma High School."

"Nekoma… Nekoma…" Fuyumi muttered under her breath while Asuka resumed the practice game.

"So, you're in a club….hm…" Yachi's voice was strangled. Asuka caught the panic in her eyes.

"Oh, sorry. The name is Hoshino Asuka." she started. "I'm a manager of the boys volleyball club."

After all the introductions, the blonde slumped her shoulders. Asuka wasn't sure if it meant she had relaxed or if it was an act of shame.

"Oh, I remember!" Fuyumi suddenly raised her voice. "Nekoma is the school of your ex-boyfriend, right?"

"Ye-Yeah." Asuka couldn't keep her voice from stuttering.

"Was it awkward?" Nozomi leaned forward, way too interested in the topic of the conversation.

"Not really. Kuroo was cool about the whole thing."

He was a real life angel, if Asuka were to be fully honest and he taught her love.

"You sure have a good history of ex-boyfriends. How many are there now? Four, five?" Yukiko wondered.

Asuka was having difficulty maintaining eye contact with anyone at the table. Those girls definitely knew way too much.

"Didn't one of the guys write you love songs?"

If Asuka read those lyrics at that time, she would laugh at them. He gave her nothing but pain.

"Isn't one in Seijoh now?"

That was one Asuka was grateful for. He was a patient one.

"You guys are forgetting about the one in her club!"

It wasn't a match for her.

Asuka pinched her nose while she listened to the girls listing the ex-boyfriends they remembered. It was inconvenient. Why were they even talking about her love life in the first place, she wondered. Asuka sniffed and turned to Yachi with a tight lip smile. The first year would be the perfect distraction.

"Y-Yes?"

"Is Yachi in a club yet?" Asuka hummed.

"Oh, me? No, not really."

"That's great!" Asuka boasted. This made the other girls stop their conversation and pay attention to the new arised topic. "If it is of interest, the volleyball club really needs a new manager! This is Kiyoko's last year and I can't handle the boys on my own next year."

"Actually, Kiyoko already approached me yesterday. I was thinking about visiting the club tomorrow."

Well, wasn't Asuka lucky.

"Really? Kiyoko didn't even say anything about it! It's probably a surprise for the boys."

"I don't know about that…"

"Trust me. The boys will love to have a new manager."

"I'm just checking it out though! I don't know if I will join!"

"Think about it. There is a lot of time. No worries." Asuka grinned.

Her smile was genuine. The boys would love to have another manager helping them and they were a real handful for Asuka to handle all alone the following year. The prospects of more assistance in the club made the memories that her friends had dug up vanish from her mind. It wasn't something Asuka needed to contemplate. Especially not at that time. Maybe not even ever.

***

Her belly was heavy after hanging with the volleyball club members at the usual noodle shop most of the afternoon. After their loss the previous day, everyone was too tired to practice and coach Ukai insisted that everyone needed a day off. However, it was around dinner time when Asuka paced the streets towards her home and she was still full. Maybe it would be an acceptable excuse to skip dinner with her parents.

Would they be arguing by the time she opened the door? It was highly unlikely as her parents were not on speaking terms. She wished they would just let go of the broken family picture. Lately, it became more evident to her. They were doing it for their only daughter. They wanted their daughter close, but couldn't stand each other. Her family was broken, it was nothing more than a façade they would put for their daughter and the neighbors. She never wanted for her family to break apart, but it was driving her insane. It was impossible to measure who was the one in most pain, who was the one more teared apart. It was a broken home.

"A broken home…" Asuka murmured before she turned the key and pushed the door ever so slightly.

Her hands were so cold, however everything from the metal door handle to the walls of the house were even colder. The absolute silence was cut when Asuka closed the door. She had been so careful to not make too much noise. Asuka was grateful for peace. She was one with the silence, after all. However, in that house, she had so much to say, but no one needed her input. She wasn't even sure if they were aware that she could see. She had been part of the façade. To pretend everything was okay. That was an art she had mastered long ago.

"Welcome home, sweetie," her mother appeared from the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

An immense smile plastered on her face. That could only mean her father was home. Like mother, like daughter.

"Yes, mom." Asuka smiled, but averted her eyes. She was still not as good.

Her mother was more emotional. She would hang to every word that was said. Asuka was different, she had walls. Feelings would ricochet from her tall walls. It had been too long since the last time she had cried.

Her father paced down the stairs and kissed his daughter on the forehead with a tight lip smile. Asuka had left her bag at the entrance and let herself be pushed to the kitchen.

"Don't forget to wash your hands." her mother advised and the Asuka, like the stellar daughter she was, obliged.

She would keep on trying to keep up with the act, until her parents decided to break it for forever. Most nights Asuka would wonder what was going to take to end the brilliant movie they were living. Maybe when Asuka went to college and moved to another prefecture, her parents would finally realize they didn't have to cohabit anymore. They barely did anyways.

"I saw Mrs. Tachibana at the market today." her mother said once she served a plate of warm food to her husband. "Ran and Ren were with her. They are so big now."

Asuka sniffed and hunched her shoulders without even noticing. She wanted to retrieve her mothers smile, but she struggled to move the corners of her mouth. She struggled to give her a response at all. The teenager still had a lot to learn about keeping her act together. Especially if topics she didn't want to talk about came out. She couldn't change it nor could she fix it.

"Have you kept in touch with your swimming friends?" her mother asked.

"Not really." her eyes darted to the plate in front of her. "Did you speak with Mrs. Tachibana?"

"Only briefly."

"This is bringing me memories…" her father hummed. "What was the boy you had a crush on at the time? Something Rin…" he scratched his chin.

Asuka lifted her bug-eyed expression to her father, her palms were tense on her thighs.

"Oh, the boy that went to Australia. That was really unfortunate."

"Yeah. It was."

"But you moved on, right? I'm very proud of you for moving on with your life." her father spoke in a soft voice. "I could tell he was important to you."

It was true, she did try to move on and dated every boy she felt the smallest feelings for. She wasn't bitter that none of them worked, she was thankful. Every one of them was a lesson along the years. Every single one of them showed her loss or pain or patience. However, in the present date, she was having better discussions with herself. She was also thankful for her parents. They never let their opinion alter by the drama.

Eventually, Asuka had enough of dating. In the search to find a replacement for the boy she thought she would marry one day, she found something better. She found herself. As much of a burden as she was to everyone else ever since the accident, she would have to be enough for herself. She was enough. She had to be. She still had her friends. She had her parents. She still had her grandma. It was enough.

The weight of the burden, that she would carry herself. So independent that she was. Or that she tried to be.

***

The following day, Asuka was satisfied with how Yachi had fulfilled her promise. She arrived with Kiyoko and all the attention turned to the new arrival. The senior asked for the boy's attention and Yachi sheepishly appeared from behind her. Her voice trembled when she introduced herself, eyes glued to the floor. Asuka followed the boys to the entrance.

"She's really cute." Yamaguchi muttered under his breath.

Asuka was sure she wasn't supposed to hear that, however, she glanced towards the boy with a knowing smile plastered on her face. She gave one more step forward and immediately Yamaguchi's eyes landed on her.

"Yo-You didn't he-hear that, ri-right?" he blabbered.

Asuka didn't answer, but her smile grew. Love at that age was so simple. Like catching and releasing. It was never that serious. It was never that deep. Only a few relationships in a lifetime had an intensity like that. They were rare and traced deeper connections that the human brain would never understand as they were matters of the heart.

"Just go for it." Asuka commented in a lower voice.

"It's not like that! You're making my stomach hurt."

"It was just encouragement, No need to get nervous about it." Asuka laughed.

Yamaguchi was the kind of person that needed a push once in a while. Spending time with other friends besides Tsukishima was good for him and the same went for the other boy. As much as Asuka bickers with the blond, all she wanted was for him to open up to the team.

She had a special kind of vision, maybe due to the descent of the grand podium to the dirty earth, Asuka saw the inner struggles of the people around her. Or at least, she could tell when they were trying to overcome them. Some tried harder than others. She helped as she could. She wanted every single one of the volleyball team members to succeed. Have the glory that she lost. Even if volleyball wasn't her area of expertise, she was willing to learn more and more.

If she couldn't reach the epitome of excellence, she would bestow the others with silent pushes towards their goals and ambitions. She would see them shine as she was swallowed by the shadows. She had made peace with that fact long ago. Her own glory was a thing of the past. However, the past is a tricky thing. At any given moment in time, it can knock on anyone's door. With no warnings or apologies. Just like that, it can destroy everything one has tried so hard to build.

After break time, Asuka was collecting the water bottles that the boys left on the floor and orderly placing them in the proper basket, but something else caught her eye. A slight hint of burgundy hair by the gymnasium door. It was just an impression of the colour, barely there, but it contrasted harshly and stood out. Her heart started to pound heavily on her chest.. In the seconds that took her to drag her feet to the entrance, a million possibilities crossed her mind. His name had been brought up a lot lately. His memory had been jogging back and forth in her brain. He was always on her mind, but there was absolutely no chance that he had found her. It wasn't even a possibility for Asuka that he came looking for her at all. However, red eyes peered hers in surprise, but it wasn't his. As Asuka took in the petite figure that peeked inside the volleyball gym, she slowly let the air out of her lungs. She held her right arm and faked a smile. Real life had just knocked on the volleyball club gym door and there was nowhere she could run to, so she would do the best next thing. Pretend.

"It's really you." the girl mumbled before Asuka could say a word herself. "I've seen you before in the hallways. You always looked familiar, but I could never spot it. I finally realized who you were when a group of girls whispered your name"

Asuka must have had the most dumbfounded expression in her face, because the girl fell into a pit of apologies and nervous sweat.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe you don't remember me. I'm Kou Matsuoka. Rin's sister."

Of course she was. Asuka nodded promptly.

"Sorry. I was caught by surprise."

"Yeah, no kidding! I had no idea you were enrolled in Karasuno as well." Kou unzipped her bag and searched for something frantically as she spoke. "I couldn't even recognize you. You really changed since then, but," she grabbed something from her backpack and stretched her hand towards Asuka.

It was an worned out picture of children hugging each other in victory, with a trophy in hand. There were many emotions portrayed in one single picture. Once, Asuka might have felt nostalgic scanning it, but in that moment there was nothing but sadness and guilt as she averted her eyes. Those were different times.

"It's you, right? Hoshino Asuka."

Asuka nodded again.

"This is probably a bad time, but can I have a word with you, well… you know…" Kou's voice dropped with hesitance as she glanced behind Asuka's figure. "In private?"

When Asuka turned around, she was faced with a group of curious boys that had looks of interest. Until a ball hit Hinata directly in the face and the glances turned to him and laughs filled the gym.

"Stop getting distracted!" Daichi yelled.

Asuka sighed. Always so much noise. She glanced around the gym for Kiyoko around the gym. As if she felt her gaze, Kiyoko turned to the door and Asuka made a gesture that read she would be back.

With that, Asuka followed Kou's step to the closest vending machine and sat on the cement floor. She let the other girl do most of the talking. Asuka had not much to say at all.

"We're opening up the swimming club and we've been scouting for members." before she sat next to the blonde, Kou handed her a can of soda.

"Thanks."

"And I saw you the other day in the hallway and then remembered who you were, I wanted to talk to you. I remembered you were really talented, we could use someone like you in the team."

She mustn't have heard.

"But then I found out you were in the boys volleyball team and figured you wouldn't want to leave the club."

She couldn't leave. She wouldn't be needed anywhere else.

"Oh, I assume you know that the whole team is here. I mean, Nagisa, Makoto and Haru are," Kou turned to Asuka, but the blonde averted her shameful eyes. "Haven't you talked to them yet? They were surprised to know I found you here."

Asuka sniffed. A reaction that was almost inaudible, but her expression spoke for itself.

"Shouldn't I have told them? Didn't you know they are enrolled in Karasuno?"

"I didn't know," Asuka murmured. "I had never seen any of them here. I had no clue."

"Aren't you a second year too? Your class is really close to Makoto's and Haru's. How come you've never crossed paths?"

Her fingers traced the brim of her soda can. She had to fight the impulse to drain the can and run away. It wasn't a dream. She didn't need to cross her fingers behind her back. She wasn't lying. She had never seen any of the boys in that school. It had been more than a year and she thought she would have peace there.

"Maybe they didn't recognize you, but they don't look that different themselves." Kou scratched her cheek. "Ah, I'm sorry. You don't want to talk about it! Maybe you guys aren't on good terms, that's why you didn't want to talk to them."

Asuka huddled her body even closer to the wall. Why couldn't there be a second of silence?

"I never saw Makoto or Haru or Nagisa or you for the last few years." her voice began to crack.

"Did you really not see them? Or were you too afraid to look?" Kou's tone was serious.

Asuka's big shallow eyes met Kou's gaze for just a second. Her rapid breaths had completely stopped with that question.

"I'm so sorry! I talk too much!" Kou got to her feet. "I'm sorry, really, I shouldn't have said that. And I'm sorry to be bothering you. All I wanted to say is that you are welcomed to our club anytime and that the boys would love to see you again. I'll get off your back now. See you around!'' Kou said in a hurry, however, even though she bid her farewell, the girl whirled again towards Asuka. "And you might like to know that Rin is back from Australia. He enrolled in the Samezuka Academy, don't be surprised if you run into him. Goodbye now."

***

A/N:

Hi, I'll be writing this huge ass note for a second time because I'm certain my pc hates my guts. It will not be as long as the first time I wrote it, because now I'm frustrated, but here we go.

I'm an idiot. I didn't explain important shit last chapter. Everyone is at Karasuno. I wanted both teams in one school. Flipped a coin. Landed on Karasuno.

That's it, next.

Probably introduced Yachi too early in the story. My memory is shit. Is probably going to keep happening. The story does not follow the cannon exactly.

Next.

Noticed the Ariana Grande reference?

Following,

Kou really dropped the bomb and left, huh?

Also,

There wasn't a plot hole in the end of the chapter. Asuka wasn't lying. Not in her perspective. Conclude what you want from it.

Finally,

Happy New Year and have a better 2021! Sha'll this cursed year never be spoken of again.

(You will hear from me in another fic I'll be posting soon before 2020 is over.)

Bye.


	3. Go to hell

Step by step, Asuka made her way to her grandmother's hospital room. Step by step, Asuka's shoulder dropped just a little bit more.

The pain had gotten worse day by day. Maybe it was the stress from school work. Maybe it was because the first tournament was approaching. Her mind had gotten heavier day by day.

Ever since Kou appeared again. Asuka wasn't sure if they were memories or just dreams. Although, ever since the talk she had with Kou, she had seen ghosts of her old friends. Those memories she told herself to forget. She said she wanted to forget. Asuka resented Kou in a way, for making all the memories come back. Ever since that afternoon, she couldn't pass by as easily as before.

She lifted her hand to the door and knocked twice. A lively voice told her to come in.

"Hello, grandma." Asuka greeted.

"It's my granddaughter. What a lovely surprise."

She looked meager than the last time Asuka had visited her. Paller, weaker. It was out of her control, she had to keep reminding herself of that fact or she might have lost her mind. Despite how unpleasant it was to see someone she held dear fade away, Asuka smiled. The corners of her mouth lifted easily and her eyes were caring.

"Is everything okay, my dear?"

Her grandmother understood her too well. She saw the shadows behind the kindness in her eyes. They granted the grey tones a more steely appearance.

"Just came back from an appointment. I had to move my shoulder a lot and it hurts a bit."

She had always been a little more talkative with her grandmother. Always a bit more open with her. When Asuka was on the ground, it was her grandmother who took care of her. When she struggled to stand, it was that amazing woman that secured her the support and care she needed. Asuka didn't want her to die.

"Brought my grandmother something, though."

Asuka slid the backpack from her shoulders and put it down on the edge of her grandmother's bed. The zipper ran and it was right on the top of her belongings.

"Here."

A petite, red box of chocolates was stretched to the senior lady and she took it with a grin.

"Don't tell the nurses. They would kill me."

"I would never." she laughed weakly.

Her chest was heavy as the delicate pale hands unwrap the box with struggle. The summer Asuka injured herself, her parents were too broken to take care of her. Her grandmother lectured them, made sure they comprehended how irresponsible of them to leave a child alone especially when she was injured, with an arm attached to her chest. After the yells, the woman walked to Asuka's room with a gentle touch of kind eyes. She asked the child if she wanted to live with her for a while. The innocent child said yes without knowing it was the best decision she ever made. It teared Asuka apart knowing her grandmother was slipping away and that she would never go back home.

The last time Asuka had in memory to have cried was when her grandmother fell ill. It had been so long.

"Take your cards out of the bag. Let's play and you can tell me the news from outside."

"Of course, grandma." her voice was excited.

Asuka never put an act for grandmother. She didn't have to.

***

The nurse had to ask Asuka to leave as visitation time was over. She left, but not without the promise she would come back as soon as she could. She had regular appointments in the same hospital which was convenient, so it was easy to find time to spend with her grandmother.

Night had settled over the city. Darkness was invaded with the city lights and reflections from the large windows of the buildings. There were still remnants of the rush hour, especially on the road beneath Asuka. The bridge between pavements was mostly empty. Some kids ran past her laughing and chatting on the top of their lungs. She couldn't be mad at noise, she used to be like that at their age. Full of joy and prospects.

She faced the floor as she paced. Her shoulder was a constant reminder of those times. A constant nuisance that never faded away. Not even after all those years. The constant shame and guilt were almost as heavy. She wasn't like those kids anymore, she didn't have those friends anymore. It was her fault. She provoked that. She made sure of that. That all those memories would stay in the past.

Another set of steps approached her from ahead, but she didn't bother to raise her head.

The swim medals, the swim trophies, the swimsuits, the photos, the friends. Those were to stay behind her. She never provided an explanation or an excuse to them. She disappeared. If they learned of the injury, it was from someone else, because she never told them.

The person in front of her halted their step. Their shadow standed still on the pavement.

Rin was to stay in the past too.

It wasn't until she stepped on the shadow that Asuka glanced up.

"Rin?" the name slipped her tongue so naturally.

The wide red eyes stared back at her.

He knows her secrets. He knows why she gave up swimming all together. Oh, but did he know all the other hands that had touched Asuka ever since he moved to Australia?

***

The waiter brought them their drinks. Between them was a wall of awkward silence. A barrier formed by all those years separated and suddenly running into each other. Even when she sat in front of him, Asuka was still fighting the urge to touch him. To hold him close. But things were different, she wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

"You dyed your hair." Rin commented. "It looks… good. It really does."

She would never tell him how she's been. How was she to put it into words?

"Thanks." she took a sip of her coffee. "So, Australia?"

"Yeah, it was amazing. I learned so much." his voice was filled with excitement. "Now that I'm back, I'm ready to kick everyone's ass."

She stared into his eyes for one second, hers didn't shine like before. Something loomed over her.

"I'm aiming for the Olympics! I'll be the best of the best. It's my destiny, I know it."

"I'm happy for you." Asuka didn't mean her voice to be so low and weak, but that's exactly how it came out. Not even the fake smile could hide it.

Rin's demeanour altered. Didn't he know it was killing her that she couldn't swim anymore?

"I'm sorry." he said. He tried to stammer other words, but they never came out.

The look in his eyes was pleading to Asuka, but she only saw them in the corner of her view. She didn't dare to gaze at them for more than one second. Was it possible that he was still hanged to the words she said to him when he left?

'When you come back, let's swim together!'

But that summer was a disaster for both parts.

"What is destined for you?"

His question surprised the girl. The answer slipped her tongue just as easily as did his name before.

"Death."

There was a moment of silence.

"That's really not funny, you know?"

Asuka didn't answer as she kept sipping her drink. His iced coffee remained untouched.

"Asuka." he called. "Asuka, I want to ask you something."

She could hear him talk for days. She liked peace and quiet and she found it in his violence and brightness when they were younger. Although she was afraid to look in his direction, certain he would see how she was teared apart, she peered upwards to him.

"Why did you stop sending letters?"

She forgot. One of the things she forgot she had done. Even Rin. Even him was cut. Even his letters. Emotion filled his eyes, as they stared at her aloof face. She didn't have an answer, not one that would satisfy him. Not one that wouldn't break her mask.

His demeanor had adjusted once again. With her silence, came his violence.

"What consumes me the most, even now, is the fact that I never had the right to ask you anything." his grip tightened around his cup. "I never knew what was going through your mind or how to act. All I could do was just wonder and hope I was doing the right thing." his voice was filled with sorrow, but his true emotions showed in the tones of red in his eyes. "And then you stopped answering my letters. The only way I had to keep in touch with you. I never got to know why."

She didn't want to let him go. It was so rare to witness a honest and somber Rin. Just how desperate was he to figure out what to do with those clinging feelings? The same ones she shared. She couldn't keep him close.

"You guessed it all wrong."

"No. I gave you everything and you gave me nothing. Not even a goddamn answer."

There was no raucous. No one was observing them. The filled coffee house was lively, the noise filled the room. Because of that, no one heard the sound of Asuka's heart as it broke. No one was scanning the traces of torment in Rin's face.

"I know it must have been hard to be injured, but why did you have to cut me from your life like that?"

In that moment, something cliqued inside of her. Like a switch had replaced her broken heart and those words were enough to flick it. She had no idea she had such a thing.

"Behaving like only one of us did shit that summer will get us nowhere. Both of us know that I'm not the only one who changed." her voice was suddenly stern. her eyes became sharp, never leaving Rin's. "People talk, Rin. You think I haven't heard about your little fit with Haru before you left? That you came back and didn't even tell your sister?"

"Your right. People do talk. I've heard you kept yourself busy while I was gone."

Her face contorted in bleakness. Her eyes were dark with shame, but her voice was filled with anger.

"Go to hell." Asuka spat out before she left her seat.

Rin followed the girl with his eyes as she got up from her seat.

"And leave you here all alone?"

The dark switch replacing the pieces of her heart brought up the fearlessness in Asuka. From that moment on, Asuka would not silence herself anymore. She would not be the quiet one or the one who was afraid. Those words were more than she could handle.

The city stretched longer on her way home. In every step of lost faith, she faked it. She kept telling herself it was okay to be the burden, but she wouldn't be quiet. Rin brought her a storm. Who knew she would take a liking to it?

***

A/N:

Oh yeah, Rin is here. And he's being all honest with his pain. The boy is trying his best. Which one of them will let go of the pride first? Who knows? I certainly don't. Okay, maybe I do. 

Later this week, if life allows, I'll be publishing another chapter! Meanwhile, feel free to leave your thoughts. (See what I did there?)


	4. Barclay

The following days, Asuka's shoulder was heavier. She promised herself Rin's presence would change nothing. Cross her heart and hope to die.

She had been trying to ignore the storm that Rin brought with him. To ignore her pounding heart. However, that day was longer than others. Her shoulder bowed as she wrapped her fingers around it. She struggled to follow down the steps. Practice would start soon. Daichi would be mad about her lateness once again.

A group of girls passed her and whispered to each other. Asuka ignored them. She had to keep her focus on the grip on the handrail. The pain was sharper than it had been all week.

She sniffed at the thought that she probably looked like a weirdo stopped in time. Because of that, she forced her legs to move. Her right hand glided in the cold metal. In that set of mind, she wouldn't cry, but she was more vulnerable than usual.

Finally, she made her way to the club room. Passing the gym, the screeches from the volleyball shoes hitting the wood floor pierced her ears. It was almost unwelcoming.

The clubroom was empty. In the silence, Asuka put her bag in the usual shelf and opened the zipper before she got undressed. The cold hit her exposed shoulder like a bullet. She wanted to cover it with a tshirt and the black tracksuit jacket as fast as possible, but her movements were slow. Before she had the chance to slip her head through the shirt, the door behind her creaked open.

"Oh, you're here. I'm sorry." Kiyoko's voice was soft.

Asuka didn't dare to turn around. Maybe Kiyoko wouldn't notice the purple bruise in her shoulder.

"Good afternoon." Asuka answered.

"Are you okay?"

Asuka hurried to slip her arms through the holes. Carefully, always had to be careful.

"Hm, yeah. It's fine."

"You don't have to be ashamed of it. I have scars too."

The girl turned to her senior with hesitance. Besides Kiyoko's more silent and cooler attitude, she had always been kind.

"I used to be in the track team, but I had to give it up. My legs are full of scars and bruises, that's why I wear black tights all year." Kiyoko smiled. "We're not that different."

"Did you abandon it completely?"

The question was sudden, she made it out of her own whim. She hated the miasma in her shoulder, like Kiyoko didn't like her scars. She had been abusing herself, suffering by herself. Was it possible that Kiyoko had been the same all that time?

"I still speak with some of the girls in the track team." Kiyoko stepped to her own bag and Asuka followed her with hopeful eyes. "We're in the same class after all."

They were different. Asuka was one to lean on her pride.

"What was your club before the boys volleyball team?"

"Swimming club."

"Don't you speak to your old friends anymore?"

Kiyoko was distracted as she scavenged her bag in search for something she might have forgotten. She didn't mean to hurt Asuka or to touch her wounds. In the past few weeks, Asuka had been brought back to her past more often.

"Not really." her voice struggled to get out.

"Maybe you should get in contact with them. I don't regret keeping those friendships. Even though it bothered me in the beginning, because I wanted to run with them, I still treasure their friendship more than those bad feelings." she zipped her bag shut after taking out a pen from it.

Asuka stared at the senior as she turned to leave the club room. Since they were speaking of it, she might as well ask.

"Wait," Asuka said. Kiyoko halted her step and whirled to face the younger girl. "Maybe, I need advice on something."

Kiyoko smiled again.

"Of course. What is the problem?"

"Someone that was important to me moved away when we were younger. Many things happened and we both have changed, but Rin's back now. We talked, or Rin talked. There was an argument and it was kind of awful." Asuka averted her eyes from Kiyoko.

"Do you like that Rin person?"

"Used to. Past."

"Not anymore?"

Her heart skipped a beat. Just for one second, there was brightness in her eyes again.

"If you still like her, try talking to her again. She might feel the same." Kiyoko stuffed her hands on the pockets of her tracksuit. "There's nothing to lose. You might as well give it a try." her voice was calm and her words genuine. Before she turned, she spoke again. "The same thing goes for your old friends."

Kiyoko flashed one of her rare stunning smiles, but before she left, Asuka spoke up again,

"Rin is a guy, by the way."

Kiyoko stared at Asuka blankly.

"He has a girly name. Sorry for assuming." she bowed her head.

"It happens all the time." Asuka let a laugh escape her lips.

Then, she was left alone with the advice that repeated over and over in her mind. Keep on trying, would that be the answer? She would be leaving her feelings in Rin's hands. Her heart. her very being. She pressed her back on the shelf. Was that what she wanted? Everytime she went back, it only gave her pain. But who else was it to blame but her pride? Even if she had to lie. Was it that simple to solve things? She gripped her shoulder again. The best she could do was to try.

So, she will keep on trying. She might as well.

***

The humidity clinged to her hair and made her waves heavy and damp. It would probably rain that saturday afternoon and Asuka forgot her umbrella back home. She still remembered her way to Sugawara's house. It was awkward to trace back those steps or when she came across old pictures of them together from the previous year. Thankfully, they wouldn't be alone. Tests were just around the corner and Suga invited the whole team for a huge study session. It would probably last the whole weekend. The objective was to help the teammates who struggled the most with their grades. If everyone wanted to participate in the approaching tournament, grades had to be at least passable. Asuka never got the best grades in class, but she prided herself on never failing a class before. She would help her fellow second years the best way she could and offered her assistance to the first years if needed.

Even though the sky looked grey, Asuka was excited to get together with the gang. It would be noisy, she was certain, but it would keep her mind off real life. Ever since she made up her mind that she wanted to try one more time with Rin, ever since she gained confidence to face her old friends, she had been making excuses for herself as to why she couldn't. It wasn't pride anymore, it was the fear of being rejected. She wouldn't blame them, no one wants one more burden in their life. Maybe it was something she couldn't fix.

As she arrived at the station, the robotic voice called for the train she was supposed to catch. She was so distracted with her own thoughts, she didn't notice how late she was. Her regular pace broke into a sprint. She adjusted the weight of her backpack to her stomach mid run and searched for her pass. As she ran up the escalators, still with her pass in hand, the train approached the station. The raucous filled her ears. As soon as she reached the top, the air pressure tossed her hair from her neck. It was hard to keep her eyes open and her breath was heavy as she hugged her backpack against her stomach. There was a set of eyes staring at her. There was persistence in that gaze in Asuka's peripheral vision. When she swirled her head in their direction, a familiar face appeared. It was Kou.

The place in her brain she had filled with empty space, her hopeless opus, was forgotten as soon as Suga opened the door for her. The chaos and noise took most of her thoughts away.

"Is everyone here yet?" Asuka wondered.

"Not really, the first years are gone. They probably got distracted or lost."

She followed Suga inside the house, even though it wasn't necessary. She knew her way around.

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. They can call if it gets bad."

The view in the living room was… interesting, to say the least. Daichi and Kiyoko were focused on their own studies while Ennoshita and Asahi tried to help Nishinoya and Tanaka. However those two were more interested in the snacks than anything else.

"Asuka is here!" Nishinoya greeted.

"Maybe she can whip some sense into the two of you." Ennoshita commented.

"No promises made." Asuka said with a laugh.

"Actually, can you help me with this problem?" Asahi asked.

"A third year problem?"

"No, it's from Tanaka's notebook," he explained. "I'm trying to solve it before I explain it, but I forgot how to."

Asuka kneeled on the pillow next to Asahi's and pulled the notebook closer to herself. The doorbell rang and Sugawara disappeared from the room. In a matter of a few seconds, before Asuka had the chance to unzip her bag, shuffles and stumbles filled the corridor behind her. Voices trailed closer and closer, but were too strangled to make up their words. When Asuka glanced over her shoulder, she struggled to keep herself from laughing, although it shouldn't be to no surprise at that point.

"I arrived-first." Hinata said with difficulty as Kageyama's hand pressed the other one's face against the door frame.

"No way, I was here already." Kageyama, in his turn, was stuck behind Hinata's arm and leg that blocked his passage. "Here! My foot is in the living room!" he sneaked his foot under Hinata's leg.

"Oh, what?!" the boy screamed in defeat.

The room was filled with laughter and words of encouragement for the boy who had lost the race. It was loud and noisy, but it was fun.

"Get out of the way already." Tsukishima demanded behind the duo.

During the afternoon, second and third years took turns helping the ones that needed the most. Asuka came up with a system that allowed mentorship for the ones that struggled the most and for the mentors to study for themselves as well in rotating shifts.

"You are still stuck with the english sheet?"

Tsukishima sat down in front of Kageyama and Hinata, next to Asuka who was trying her best to explain a math exercise to Nishinoya.

"I'm almost done." Kageyama said.

The blond boy rested his head on the palm of his hand. In a matter of seconds, Kageyama stretched the sheet of paper to Tsukishima. He looked down on it before taking it to his own hands. He scanned the paper for a few moments before he spoke.

"I've met bread smarter than you."

There was no response from Kageyama, only a grim face. The second years had to cover their mouths and laugh silently.

"Don't laugh when you're not done yourselves!" Ennoshita boasted from the other side of the table.

"Yes, sir!" Nishinoya and Tanaka replied.

The sky wasn't as grey anymore.

***

Rain filled the pavement. Sugawara was hesitant to let his friends run in the rain, since no one thought of bringing an umbrella besides Kiyoko and Yachi. Running to the station was the next best option. Between the puddles on the floor and the laughs, Asuka tried to keep up with her friends. The group was loud and buoyant in spite of the rain.

There was a twenty minute wait until the following train. In heavy breaths, the group rested on the benches in the platform.

"That sure was a run hell of a sprint." Nishinoya admitted. "Good exercise!"

Asuka truly wasn't sure of how she kept up with them. Maybe she wasn't as worn off as she thought, even though she had lost so much muscle mass over the years.

Hinata sneezed so loud that there were some stares from the elders on the next bench over.. Daichi made a gesture of apology for the boy.

"Bless you!" Tanaka screamed even louder.

Daichi had to apologize again.

"Oi, be quiet!" Daichi said in a muffled yell.

Asuka took the backpack wing from her aching shoulder. In a question of minutes, she would be in pain again. It was a rule not to over work her shoulder. Her doctor advised it again and again every time the shoulder was in worse condition. That sprint under the rain would cost her later, but it was already done. Suddenly, something wet brushed against her ankle, right in the gap between the rim of the jeans and her socks. Asuka leaned down to her right side to see a tiny wet black ball of fur caressing her ankle. She froze in place. Whatever it was, it was moving and made her shoulders hunch upwards.

"Is something wrong?" Asahi asked beside her. With no response, Asahi leaned to peek over to what Asuka had been staring at.

Then, the black ball purred against her skin, before it mew with terenure.

"Ah, it's a kitten!" Asahi said, excitement filled his voice.

"Where?!" Hinata grinned.

Asuka woke from her fright as the figure of the small creature started to take a more recognizable shape. She leaned even furtherer and stretched her palm on the floor, near the kitten. It sniffed her hand, the whiskers tickled her skin. Finally, it climbed to her palm.

"It's all wet." Asahi pointed out.

"The kitten was probably caught in the rain. " said Asuka.

The group stared at Asuka's palm with curiosity and pity. Something so meager all alone against the world.

"Wait!" Hinata yelled. "I have a towel."

The boy frantically unzipped his bag and searched for the said towel. As he handed it to Asuka, she carefully wrapped the kitten in the soft dry fabric.

"Thank you." she said.

"Why do you have a towel with you, in the first place?" Tanaka wondered.

"I was thinking of practicing after the study session." Hinata admitted, scratching the back of his head.

"Of course you were…" Tanaka sighed.

"I think the kitten likes you, Asuka." Asahi said as gently rubbed the black fur.

"Really?"

"And I don't see any other cats around. It's probably all alone." Yamaguchi pointed out.

"You should keep it!" Daichi suggested. "It's better than leaving it in the rain."

Asuka smiled. That day had been filled with effortless and genuine smiles.

"Maybe I will."

The kitten grabbed her finger between his tiny paws.

"Hello there." she greeted.

"Nah, it definitely adopted you, not the other way around." Kageyama added.

She laughed at the comment. It wasn't a lie. Asuka brought the towel near her face. The smell of meadow clinged to its fur. Where could he have possibly been before he reached her? The kitten licked the tip of her nose. She couldn't stop smiling at the adorable cat.

"You seem happier today." Asahi murmured.

"Happier?"

"Yeah, that's true. You were laughing a lot today." Hinata pointed out.

The benches facing back to each other were filled with satisfied faces, minus Tsukishima who didn't show much interest in the conversation at all, but did peek at the black fur ball earlier. Asuka showed another closed-lip smile to the kitten.

"Many good things happened today." she said. "Things are getting better."

For the first time, she allowed herself to say those words. They ringed truth to her. It would be hard, but she would face her shame. Probably sooner than she thought. She was ready for it. Earlier that same day, Asuka stumbled upon Kou who would board the same train as her. It was a chance to start again, with the right foot. She was hesitant to do so, but Asuka told her about her meeting with Rin. She admitted to want to talk with her old friends. Even if she couldn't fix it, she wanted to face it. So she could have an uncomplicated death one day. With no regrets. It was hard to get them all together with tests approaching at and the task to open the swimming club. However, Kou promised her old friend that on the day the swimming club was to be inaugurated, that she would come for Asuka. She was one for surprises, she didn't tell her a date, she wouldn't tell the boys about their agreement either. Soon. Asuka would catch up to them and tell them all about that summer.

When the train arrived, Asuka hugged the towel closer to her chest in a way to protect the kitten from the cold wind. As the group entered the train, Yamaguchi petted the kitten's black head.

"Have you thought of a name?"

"Barclay."

"Wow, that was fast." Daichi said..

"I think it's a great name." Asahi approved.

She found herself smiling the whole ride home, with a kitten asleep in her lap enveloped in a white towel. Her parents wouldn't tell her no. Not when she already brought him with her. That meant she had some shopping to do.

***

A/N:

I kinda added a little kitten to the story on a whim and I regret absolutely nothing. I'm personally a dog person, but Asuka is definetly a cat person. The other day I realized that I never add pets to my stories even though I love animals and I've been begging for a pet ever since I learned how to talk. Since I have no idea of how to take care of one, guess I never really thought about it. But i will do my best to include Barclay and make sure Asuka takes good care of him. She might not see any worth in herself, but she cherishes other lives. 

I feel like this story had been so dark and heavy, I wanted to write a more upbeat chapter this time. Hopefully it worked, even if I couldn't just ignore all the dark sides of the story. And things seem to be moving forward. C'mon Asuka, I know you can do it!


	5. Suddenly, she was alone again

Before Asuka left the club room, she threw her phone into her bag and followed Kiyoko to the volleyball gym. She had been on her mind all day. Asuka ran through all the possibilities of how to fix the broken mess she had made over the years. She had grasped to the news that her old friends enrolled in the same school with everything she had. The guilt stopped her from the constant inertness she had chosen to pursue for the last few years. She had to fix it.

Real life would never be that gentle on her. It had never been. She wanted answers, something she could hold on to. Rin was the only thing that was real to her. The argument they had last time they spoke to each other was the rawest form of proof she could have that he was there. And if that was the case, she wanted to try her best. She didn't want to be alone anymore. Not when he was so close to her.

"What are they doing?" Yamaguchi stopped by Asuka with a water bottle in his hand.

She glanced in the same direction the boy nodded his head towards. Both Kageyama and Hinata had three or more balls rotating in some part of their body.

"Are they… competing?" Yachi wondered while she scratched her cheek.

"I'm not done yet!" Hinata yelled as he positioned another rotating ball on his elbow.

"Is that it? Look at this." Kageyama promptly positioned another spinning ball on his forehead.

"Hinata! Kageyama! Stop that!"

As soon as Daichi's voice filled the gym,, all the balls dropped to the floor and the juniors apologized.

"Idiots." Tsukishima scoffed.

Well, at least they served as a distraction. Asuka wanted to focus on the practice and help the boys, but her head was somewhere else. She caught the balls that the boys hit and placed them back on the baskets like she was supposed to, but her legs were moving in autopilot. Her eyes were distant, until a beaming voice broke her trance and brought her back to reality.

"Asuka!" a breathy voice invaded the gym from outside. "The club opened a few minutes ago! Everyone is there!" It was Kou. "I tried to call you, but-"

Blinking eyes turned to Asuka. She wished to grant them answers then, but those would have to wait until later. As she pulled herself together, Asuka quickly dropped the balls in her arms back to the basket.

"I'll explain later, take it over from here." she said in a rush to Yachi before she ran out the gym with Kou tailing close behind.

It was a broken mess. She tried not to cry at every piece of news she received. And she could not fix it, she couldn't make it stop either, but damn it, she had to try. She would face the real life she had abandoned. As she ran through the halls, she prayed to a God she did not know to stop the mess she created. Even though she had lost all her faith, she had to believe it would be okay.

Her vision became blurry with the expectation of what was to come. She would give them the answers they have been pondering all those years. The how's and why's. She would stop making excuses for herself. Her shoulder ached at the sudden extreme movement, but she would take it all.

As the club room came into her sight, she cleared her vision and sniffed harshly. Kou's steps kept up with Asuka's speed the whole time, always close behind. Asuka's heart pounded inside her chest. Louder and louder. It clogged her ears. At the bottom of the stairs, Asuka stopped and Kou's steps halted behind her.

"It will be okay." Kou reassured.

Asuka took the words in and nodded before she broke into a short sprint and swinged the door open.

"Kou! I told you not to barge in like that!" a guy Asuka didn't recognize was the first to react. "Uhm, Who are you?"

Asuka had to support her weight on the doorframe and still wouldn't dare to look up. Her breath was heavy and she took that chance to muster up some words. All that time and she still didn't figure that part out.

"I can't believe it…" it was Makoto's gentle voice. "Asuka?"

"It really was you the other day!" Nagisa exclaimed.

She tried her best to gain some composure and browsed their surprised faces. Tears streamed down her cheeks as soon as she gazed at them with sorrow.

"I am so sorry." Asuka said. "I left without saying a word. I stopped going to the club- I exchanged schools. I never said anything to any of you and I feel like shit for doing it. You deserve a better friend than me and… and I understand if you don't want to forgive me." she had to pause when sobs made their way up her throat. "I have no words to say. There are no excuses for what I did."

Her speech was messy, far from perfect. All she needed was something to hold on to as she stared at the floor, to where her shameful tears would land. Soft steps made their way to Asuka and stopped in front of her. She sniffed, still hesitant to look up to Makoto. Despite that, the boy placed a comforting hand on her arm.

"Don't feel guilty, Asuka." he spoke with a soft tone. "We've all done things we are not proud of and these have been an interesting few weeks, honestly." he laughed. "I'm just happy our friend is back."

She dared to peer his face. Makoto was always sweet to her and everyone around him. A gentle soul with a kind heart. His smile gave her hope.

"But- I still owe everyone an explanation."

"Let's leave that for later."

"Does this mean you're back with us? Are you joining our club too?" Nagisa jumped in front of her as pushed for her arm.

"Uhm, well," Asuka tried to speak.

"Give her a break. She probably is in another club already." Makoto was calm when he reprimanded Nagisa.

"What, for real?"

How could she ever believe this scenario was to happen? She was at a loss for words. She was prepared for the worst. She had learned long ago that real life was never kind. Besides, it was not over yet. Even if Nagisa and Makoto were delighted to see Asuka, Haru had not said a word yet.

Asuka peered over Makoto's shoulder and searched Haru's face for some kind of reaction. He was always the one who was the hardest to read.

"Aren't you thrilled as well, Haru?" Makoto turned to face his friend.

He made his way to the group that formed at the entrance. His aloof expression broke into a sincere smile.

"Welcome back, Asuka."

As she glanced around the smiles surrounding her, Asuka understood that real life didn't have to be so hard, not if she had her friends with her all the way.

"Don't cry! We're happy!" Nagisa pulled her shirt again.

Asuka rubbed her tears away and even though her vision was still blurry, she showed an open smile.

"Thanks everyone. I don't deserve any of this."

There was a glimpse of faith in her eyes. For a few moments, her steely eyes became a softer tone of grey. If she needed to hold on to something, they would always be there.

"Uhm, excuse me for interrupting," there was another guy Asuka had completely forgotten about. "But what is happening?"

"It's a long story, don't worry about it." Nagisa waved him off. "Asuka! Stay and swim with us! Just today!"

"Actually…"

"She probably doesn't have a swimsuit with her." Kou peeked over Asuka's shoulder.

"Swim in your underwear, then!"

"Nagisa!" Makoto reprimanded, more severe than last time as he swiveled his head to the blond.

"Come watch us swim!"

"Let's go, we'll wait by the pool."

Before Asuka spoke again, Kou pushed her to the other end of the room and opened the door to the pool. After a few moments, Nagisa ran past them and jumped into the still waters. Makoto, Haru and the other boy she hadn't met before followed.

"Is this really okay?" Asuka's smile vanished in her doubts.

"Of course. You're still our friend after all."

Their reassuring statements made her breathe easier, but her shoulder was still a weight on her.

"But-" she sniffed. "I haven't explained myself yet. You deserve to know why I left."

"I have an idea!" Nagisa's head popped off the water surface. "We are going to buy new swimsuits today after school Come with us!"

She liked his suggestion. Reconnecting with her old friends was one of her top desires, but she was still taken aback. She had to keep trying, since she already came so far.

"You should come." Haru spoke.

Asuka showed a closed-lip smile.

"Okay. Count me in."

She barely had time to finish her sentence when the blue haired boy walked over her and extended his arm.

"We haven't been introduced. I'm Rei Ryugazaki."

Why he was so serious was a mystery to Asuka.

"Asuka Hoshino. A pleasure." she took his hand into hers.

"He is in the swimming club but he can't swim!" Nagisa boasted. "Isn't that funny?"

"Nagisa!" Rei lost his composure.

"But that feminine name…" Asuka pondered. "It's like destiny."

"That's what I said!" Nagisa cheered. "We are buying swimsuits because he says it will help him swim better. Can you believe it?"

"How do you expect me to learn how to swim in this?" Rei pointed to his speedo.

Asuka hadn't even glanced to acknowledge their attirement.

"We've tried everything. I don't understand why he can't swim." Makoto sighed as he rested one hand on his hip.

"The water doesn't like him." Haru commented.

"I don't think that's why." Kou's voice showcased her impatience to their shenanigans. Then, her eyes became bright with a new idea. "We've tried everything, but now Asuka is here. Why don't you give it a try?"

Asuka blinked once, then twice. She pointed a finger towards herself and lifted one brow.

"It wouldn't hurt to give it a try, right?"

"Uhm, guess not."

She then asked Rei to show her what they were dealing with. Asuka was impressed by his form when he dove into the water. It was perfect. However, he then proceeded to sink like a brick. Even when he moved his arms and legs to propel himself forward, he wouldn't move one inch in the water until he gave up and surfaced, desperate for oxygen.

"That's… Something I've never seen before." Asuka was trying not to be mean.

"But not a completely lost cause!" Kou reminded.

"Can you help him?" Makoto pleaded.

Asuka wasn't sure of what to say to the guy. He did everything perfectly, but for some reason, it didn't work. It was like he was trying too hard. He was trying to force something that didn't come naturally to him, but he was eager to learn.

"There's not much to be said that Rei hasn't heard already." Asuka started, only to be interrupted by Rei.

"It's true. I have read all the books about swimming, after all."

"It seems like Rei is trying too hard. Like, overthinking it. Try to just go with the flow of the water, let it guide your body forward."

"That's a little abstract, but not bad advice." noted Makoto.

Asuka held her right arm as she pondered.

"Basically, your body is too stiff. Your diving form is perfect, but try to take those first seconds in the water to relax and feel the water around you. Then, start swimming."

"I can try..:" Rei sighed before leaving the pool for another attempt.

Everyone was expectant and observed Rei as he dived into the water. And sank again.

Asuka's shoulders bowed and Kou's arms became droopy. Makoto massaged his temples and shook his head.

"Maybe the problem actually is the speedo." Asuka commented.

***

It was probably a terrible idea to leave early from practice, but it was already done. Without another word, Asuka sauntered to the club room and changed to her uniform, collected her things and left with the swimming club to buy swimsuits with them. At that time, she didn't foretold an infuriated Daichi or a worried Kiyoko. When she ran to meet up with her old friends at the school entrance, her bloodstream pumped with the euphoria. She didn't care if she stumbled half way, her body was so light that her recovery would be effortless.

In the store, she didn't dare approach the woman's section. If it happened to catch her eye, she turned her back to it. It had to be one step at a time. That day was already a victory in her book. To make amends with her old friends was one thing. To make amends with her incinerated dreams was a more delicate subject.

Fortunately, she didn't have much time to dwell about such things as she was entertained with evaluating each of the boys swimsuits. Haru and Makoto were the most normal out of the bunch, Nagisa and Rei, however, chose the most flamboyant of swimsuits. Maybe they should take advice from their seniors. It was when Rei revealed a butterfly suit that Asuka sighed in defeat. There was no other way, she had to take matters into her own hands. She had no problem inquiring Rei on his size. For some reason, Nagisa was the one who answered the question. He probably sneaked a look at what Rei picked on earlier. However, Nagisa had his own unique ways that Asuka would rather not reflect on it.

She strolled down the aisles until she stumbled upon a rack with normal swimming pants. The stripes on the sides had different colours and the length of the legs also differed. Since the boy was already in the changing room, she might as well bring a variety for him to choose from. He would try them all on if needed.

"Asuka?"

She sniffed at the call of her name. Her heart rushed from the timber of the familiar voice. Unconsciously, she held the arm with the many swimming shorts closer to her chest to contain the urgency to punch him or worse. His words still clinged to her mind. She wanted to break him down brick by brick. Make him feel one flimsy sting of what those words had done to her.

However, as she glared into his eyes, his features weren't as venomous as before. She let out a silent sigh as her body relaxed under his gaze.

"You're here with someone?"

It was like he was calculating every single word that came out of his mouth. Careful and meticulous.

"Yes. With Makoto, Haru, Nagisa, Rei and your sister." she couldn't bring herself to talk down on him, not when he gazed at her with those eyes. Nevertheless. her tone was filled with hesitancy.

"You are friends with those losers again. I see…" he stared down to the rack of shorts.

She was so eager to break him down. Why did she want to hug him, then? Rebuild him from the ground up. Steal his soul and make him hers. Brick by brick. Blow by blow. She wanted him to understand. She wanted him to feel the same. Was that why she was so frustrated?

Why would she change her mind every time he appeared? And why the hell was he so hard to read?

"Rin," she didn't have the chance to finish before he lifted his alluring face to her and bursted the words out of his mouth.

"Let's cut the slack. I want to take what I said back." Rin's silvery voice rang honesty to Asuka's ears. "Can't we just get along? Just the two of us."

Wild emotions ran in his eyes. Back and forth. She tilted her head slightly and narrowed her eyes for just one second. Maybe she misheard him or maybe she misunderstood him. That was not how she believed her day would end up to be. It was hard to accept that real life would bestow her with a break for a couple hours. Was it the truth or was it a lie?

His glance shifted around the store, until it finally stopped on Asuka to ask a question.

"Are you still mad?"

"No," Asuka shook her head. "I want that too."

Finally, Rin smiled. Relief and bliss were etched on his features. Such a dazzling view for Asuka's eyes. It filled her with thrill as well. With her free hand, Asuka reached for the pocket in her uniform skirt and took out her phone.

"Let's exchange numbers. Have a real date. And try to fix this." she said.

The boy was lost in her words, but his smile marked his face and he laughed at her sudden perkiness. At that point she couldn't control it anymore. If real life was going to bestow her with a break, she would take every second of it with pleasure. Fix all her mistakes while she could.

Before she left with the mountain of swim gear in her arm, Asuka reached for Rin's arm. She had to make sure he was real. As she held onto his forearm, on her tiptoes, Asuka pressed her lips to his cheek.

"Don't be a stranger."

Like that, she left the boy stunned in his place and strolled back to her friends. There was no way she could wipe the smile from her face. The energy that became of her was addicting. The laughter made her lighter. It made her forget about her aching shoulder for those moments. Since they were in the shopping district, Asuka dragged the group to a pet shop nearby and took the chance to buy a few things she was still missing for Barclay. The sky was still light blue when they left the stores and Nagisa suggested ending the day with a treat. Himself and Asuka sauntered down the park in front of the group lost in laughter and conversation. They had so much catch up to do. One day wouldn't be enough to tell Asuka all the dramas that occured in the last months. None of the others would tell it how it happened like Nagisa would and Asuka appreciated that.

In a café, with a table filled with tea and desserts, surrounded with friendly faces. Asuka didn't want to say good-bye to that day. It would last forever if she was the one to decide.

"Look, this is Barclay." she thrusted her phone to Makoto's face. "Or he found me." Asuka corrected as Kageyama's words came into her mind.

"You have more pictures?" Nagisa asked.

"I want to see too!" Rei urged.

"Barclay is genuinely docile and warms up to people easily. You guys should come over and meet the kitten one day." Asuka said. When her phone was given back to her, Asuka pointed the screen to Haru. "Isn't Barclay cute?"

Asuka blinked at Haru's absent expression. His ocean eyes were lost in a mirage only he could see. With all the excitement of that blissful day, Asuka was finally slapped by real life again. Or yet, she witnessed as someone took the agony for her. Never did she ponder that Haru and RIn might have ran into each other in the store at some point. Haru's demeanor and Rin's words started to make more sense. Their friendship didn't have the same luck Asuka had.

"Haru?" she called softly for his attention.

His gaze lifted to her screen.

"It's cute." he agreed with the slightest amusement to his voice, barely distinguishable from his monotone.

The last thing she wanted was to see others in agony, because she knew the sensation all too well. Asuka would never wish those feelings of despair to anyone. However before any of that, there was still one subject she brought up. It had to be done.

"Since we're all here. I want to explain myself." Asuka started. Curious and attentive glances around the tables settled on her. "In the last competition, before leaving the club, I got injured." Her heart was heavy on her chest. Asuka averted her eyes to the table. "It was rough. My shoulder needed surgery." Asuka held on to her right arm. "It didn't end well… Even after all these years and all the doctors I've been too, there is no fixing it. I can't swim ever again. If I couldn't swim… I didn't want anything related to it to stay in my life. The sorrow took over me and I couldn't control it. Again, I apologize. It was never your fault."

She didn't cry that time, but there was shame in her words.

"I remember now," Makoto said. "When you got out of the pool, you didn't seem well at all."

"And then we never saw you again…" Nagisa mumbled.

Silence settled around the table. The grief of a lost dream, the sorrow they shared, because all of them heard how much Asuka boasted about how she would compete in the Olympics one day. Her talent was undeniable.

"Doesn't it hurt to be with us anymore?" Haru was the one who broke the silence.

Asuka glanced up to the group.

"No, it doesn't. Honestly, this is something I should've done long ago. It's definitely better than isolation."

She didn't laugh at it, but she managed a closed-lip smile. It was hard to even lift the corners of her mouth. There was still so much she hadn't said. It was better to not over do it.

"You really can't swim anymore…" Nagisa mumbled.

Never again.

Soon, the night had fallen. Her pace was slow when she turned the streets on the way to her house. Asuka was going to let herself believe the lies inside those walls for that night only, even if the truth was that, suddenly, she was alone again. In that space, the struggle was her own to handle.

***

A/N:

A break from the angst. Asuka has a hard enough life, she deserves it. How long will it last, I wonder...

Also, I remembered that cats hate Rin. You already know what will come, hahaha. I have to do it, I just have to.


	6. Out of everyone...

At all the days, that was when the blonde waves of her hair didn't fall quite right. Even if the strands barely brushed her shoulders, it didn't matter what way Asuka tossed them. It didn't look right. Her mother always said that the body reflects the mind. The lack of shine and volume in her hair were probably the results of long excruciating study sessions for the exams week. The misfortune of the game between Karasuno and Seijoh.

Asuka browsed her steely eyes in the mirror. It had been weeks. Months. The days became hotter and after exam week. It was finally time for the field trip for all the second years at Karasuno High. It was a shame that it wasn't a trip for the whole school, Asuka would've liked to enjoy it with all her friends, but there was nothing that could be done about it.

In her room, the phone vibrated on the wooden desk. Asuka rushed out of the bathroom and grabbed the gadget. Before she answered the call, she checked the ID. It was Rin. They never had the promised date. Both had exams and their clubs to worry about. Occasional phone calls were the pillar to their … relationship? Could she even call it that? Even in the summer vacation, there would barely be any time to be with him. Field trips and training camps. When did high schoolers get such a packed agenda?

She pressed the phone against her ear as soon as she cliqued the green circle on her screen.

"Good morning." she greeted.

"Aren't you late?"

So much for a hello.

She sniffed as she glanced at the numbers in the corner of the screen. In an instant, Asuka slinged the wing of one of her bags to her left shoulder and wrapped her fingers around the handle of a small yellow suitcase with wheels. She double checked the bags before breakfast, there was no time for a triple check. The bus would leave without her if she didn't make it on time. She layed a glance around the room. It was still mostly empty. On the spot in her neat bed where the sun hit, there was Barclay sleeping his first nap of the morning. The small ball of fur had grown to be an elegant creature. Yellow sympathetic eyes and the tenure of a long loved plush. Before she retrieved her phone and left the room behind, Asuka leaned down on the mattress to kiss the top of Barclay's head.

"How did you know?" Asuka asked as she pressed the screen against her ear.

"Just hurry outside."

With that, Rin ended the call. Asuka furrowed her brows at the screen before she put it in her pocket. Why was he so hard to understand? Did he speak in another language? She could worry about that once she was seated on the bus, on her way to the inn. Her feet slipped easily into the shoes and the keys were at hand. As the door swung open, Asuka was blinded by the morning sun. It burned her eyes, but she forced them open so she could close and lock the door. It was so warm outside compared to the ice cold house. At least for that week she wouldn't have to come back.

Suddenly, a tall shadow was cast on her. Rin's words made more sense then. She whirled around herself. The heart inside her chest started to pound in anticipation. It had been too long since they last saw each other in that swim suit store. His alluring red eyes were set on her. A smug smile appeared on his face.

"Let me walk you to school." Rin offered as he extended one hand towards her, his palm faced up.

"Sure." Asuka had a cheeky smile in return.

Promptly, she delivered the bag that heavied on her shoulder to Rin. Without another word, she made her way to the road. He followed close behind and looked rather disappointed.

"I feel bad that we can't see each other more often…" Rin admitted. "That's why I wanted to at least see you before you went on your trip."

When Asuka peered over her shoulder, Rin was scratching the back of his neck. Maybe she was done teasing him, even if it was fun. She waited for him, only two steps away and moved along beside him down the narrow street. In the silence between them, his fingers intertwined with hers. Asuka sniffed at the sudden contact.

"Is… this okay?" Rin mumbled.

When Asuka swiveled her head in his direction, Rin stared at the houses they were passing and his cheeks were slightly pink. Asuka giggled.

"Yes, this is fine." she said.

His hand was warmer compared to hers. Did it bother him? Or maybe it was refreshing since the weather was warmer with the sun high in the blue sky. He wouldn't touch her if he didn't want to, right? Why was she suddenly overthinking it?

"When I come back from this trip," Asuka started. "The volleyball team is going to a training camp in Tokyo."

"Really?" the disappointment in his voice was obvious. "They sure keep you busy.."

"That's why we should have that date this weekend."

His eyes glimmered as his gaze finally found hers.

"I'll be back by friday night." Asuka smiled.

Rin's shoulders dropped and his face melted into an easy smile.

"Let 's do it."

Asuka could've jumped with joy with the rush in her body. Instead, she tightened her grip on Rin's hand and stepped closer to him, until her shoulder brushed his arm. Couldn't Rin come with her to the trip? Maybe he would fit inside her bag and she could make Makoto and Haru carry him.

Then it hit her like a truck. Haru and Makoto would be at the school gate like all the other second year students. Their friendship was still complicated and a long rocky path was laid in front of them before they could make amends. Not in any way shape or form should they meet that morning. Was it even okay to date Rin and still be friends with Haru? It was something between them and she didn't want to pick a side. However, did they think like that as well?

"Is Haru going on this trip as well?" Rin asked.

Was he reading her mind or something?

"Uhm, yes." Asuka responded, uncertain of how he would react, but nothing changed in his demeanor. "Is it a problem if I'm friends with him?"

Rin looked surprised by that question and Asuka continued, her voice thick with guilt,

"If it was up to me, you and Haru would get along like before. Picking sides is ridiculous and I'll never do that. But I need to know if it's a problem to be friends with Haru."

"You said it yourself, picking sides is ridiculous." Rin said in a lower voice, his pace also slowed down. "I know we were all there when things started to change. All of us made it what it is and maybe I shouldn't want to see you either, but that's just not the truth. The more I see you, the more time I want to spend with you. With Haru and the rest of them, that's a different matter. It won't interfere between us, I won't let it."

A smile grew in Asuka's face.

"Thank you, Rin."

The school gates were already in view as they climbed the road and made plans for their date. Groups of students filled the pathway and they were close enough for the loud chatter to reach their ears. Even after their talk, Asuka couldn't help her nervous heart. Her face remained unfazed and didn't portray her anxieties, however the way she sniffed harshly when someone approached them from behind was a reflex she hadn't yet mastered.

"Yo!" the voice boomed.

Asuka and Rin peered over their shoulders. It was Tanaka and Nishinoya. She sighed in relief internally and waved at the boys. As if they shared some telepathic waves, both of them lowered their gaze. They were clearly staring at Asuka's and Rin's hands.

"Hey, punk!" Tanaka cocked his chin up. "What are you doing to Asuka, huh?"

"Yeah, don't go around holding our manager's hand in public like you're her boyfriend!" Nishinoya added.

"What's up with these two?" Rin mumbled to Asuka.

And that was the moment, Asuka had to break it to them that one of their precious managers did, indeed, have a boyfriend. There were tears. There were questions. Asuka was beyond relieved when the teachers asked the students to gather around. She did want to see Makoto and Haru before they entered the bus, but it wouldn't be possible, even if they were somewhere in that crowd.

Before she joined her class, Asuka gave Rin a kiss on his cheek and waved him good-bye. On the bus, she sat next to Kinoshita. Nishinoya and Tanaka were in the seats in front of her and Ennoshita and Narita sat behind her.

While the teacher counted the heads, Tanaka and Nishinoya hanged their torsos on the back of their seats.

"Have you noticed he didn't even ask for our blessing?" Nishinoya insisted.

"Yeah, what's up with that?" Tanaka asked.

Promptly, the teacher wacked both in the head with a roll of papers and they sat straight again. Once the teacher passed them, the boys peaked between the seats.

"Uhm," Asuka's voice trembled. "What about a game of cards?" she took the deck from her jacket pocket and waved it at them.

***

Everyone was thankful that the teachers let the students pick their roommates. Asuka naturally joined Fuyumi and Yukiko in a small and cozy room. Just enough for three futons.

"This is nice," Fuyumi commented. "We haven't been together a lot lately."

"If Nozomi was here, the whole gang would be together." Yukiko put down her single bag next to Fuyumi's.

Meanwhile, Asuka was inspecting the interior of the wall closet. Three fresh futons were inside along with clean towels. They were soft to the touch.

"She is in her first year after all."

"Graduating next year without her will be so weird."

Asuka's skin crawled by the mention of graduation. One more year was all she had and she still had to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.

"Don't even mention that word." Asuka's face was washed out of all colour.

"You still don't know what you're doing after highschool?" Yukiko asked. She sat on her knees and waited for her friend's answer.

"Not a single clue. None of the options seem appealing."

"Well, isn't anything you wanna do when you grow up? Not one area of interest?"

There was one. The only one she wanted was out of reach. Asuka's face became absent, deep in thought. What was one to do when their dreams were already burned into ash? She never had a chance to even start her career. But at that age, she still had swimming in her mind. She never wasted time in searching for other options, because that path was clear for her. It was becoming obvious that she never grew out of that slump. She never found another area of interest, because there wasn't one.

"You could visit the career counselor. That's what they are for, after all." Yukiko suggested.

"Don't know about that. Too much of a bother." Asuka's voice dragged.

She turned to the girls and slid the closet door shut.

"To be honest," Fuyumi started, "Our career counselor is somewhat useless. She didn't help me at all." she waved dismissively as she sat next to Yukiko.

"She helped me a lot! Thanks to her, I can picture myself as a teacher!" Yukiko was excited with that idea.

"I figured I wanted to be a politician, but it wasn't thanks to her." Fuyumi rolled her eyes.

"A teacher and a politician, huh?" Asuka mumbled.

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Since Asuka was the only standing, she walked over to it and slid it open to reveal Haru and Makoto, both in their casual clothes.

"Hi, Asuka!" Makoto greeted with a wave and a tender smile.

"Good afternoon." said Haru in his usual monotone.

Asuka broke into a smile.

"Makoto and Haru found me!" she cheered.

"Well, the guys who we are sharing the room with told us you were here." Makoto admitted, his hand scratched the back of his head.

Asuka furrowed her brows. Could it be someone from her class? Oh no…

"Who… exactly?" her voice wavered.

"A bald guy and small boy with a blond streak in his hair."

"They were noisy." Haru commented.

Makoto laughed nervously.

"They were definitely energetic."

"That's tough luck." Asuka commented, annoyance loomed over her just as it did with Haru.

She still remembered their little fit about Rin that same morning.

"Are they from your class?" Makoto asked.

"And from the volleyball club." Asuka added. "I might as well already apologize for them for all the future inconveniences those two will certainly bring."

She was going to bow, but Makoto stopped her.

"No, there's no need!" he blabbered. "Anyways, we passed by because Haru wants to check the inside pool. Do you want to join us?"

A pool. There was no reason for her to want to check out the pool, not like she was going to use it. But, for some reason, she was inclined to say yes. Asuka peeked over her shoulder to her curious friends. She was worried that they would be mad if she bailed on them, they could read it on her face.

"It's fine, you can go!" Yukiko waved peacefully.

"What about if we all have dinner together later?" Fuyumi suggested.

"Sounds like a plan." Asuka nodded.

With that, Asuka waved the girls goodbye and followed Haru and Makoto to the referred pool. Her eyes were glued to the floor. What was she even going for? It wasn't like she could swim in it anyways. At best, she would float aimlessly. What was the point?

Even so, she followed and chatted with them normally. It left a bitter sweet taste in her mouth. To be so eager for something she could not have.

The pool room was enormous. The pool itself was the same size as the one they had at school, with the same number of lanes.

"The space is bigger than I expected." Makoto said.

"Seriously, it probably takes half the space of the whole inn!"

She tried to avert her eyes from the water and paid attention to other details. The clean wall of glass that let the sun in and warmed the room. The hot humidity in the air. The reflections of the still water in the pale blue walls. The fact that Haru was stripping his clothes off. Wait, what?

"Haru! Don't take your clothes off here!" Makoto yelled.

Asuka turned away from the boy and stared at the exit door instead.

"Why do you have your swimming shorts under your clothes?"

Now that she had to see. Asuka turned again to verify the veracity of Makoto's statement only to witness Haru pulling his shirt over his head.

"He really was wearing those under his clothes." Asuka scoffed as she covered her laughter with the palm of her hand.

"Haru, wait!"

It was useless as the boy dove into the water. Makoto dropped his arms in defeat. There was no separating Haru from the pool. From the bliss in his face, the temperature was probably just right. The patterns of the water surrounding Haru's body were almost hypnotizing. The light played in the trails of his movements. Her heart was heavy inside her chest as she brought one foot closer to the pool. Until she snapped out of it and took two steps back.

Makoto asked her if Nagisa had told her how many times Haru's obsession had put them in trouble. Her voice failed her, so Asuka shook her head and encouraged the boy to tell her those stories.

***

After dinner, most of the students grouped together by the sofas of the lounge area. Everyone waited for the teachers that promised them an exhilarating night activity. Rumours already spreaded that it would be a test of courage set up by them. The inn was surrounded by a peaceful and fresh forest setting. However, at night the tall trees became ominous and the nature sounds were more terrifying rather than serene.

Haru was already bored while Makoto hid behind him, far away from any windows. Asuka would feel safer with Fuyumi or Haru if she had to choose. Haru wasn't one to react to anything and Fuyumi would probably kick the arse of any incoming threat while she could run away. It would also be nice if Rin was there to hold her. Unfortunately, she was not lucky whatsoever.

The teachers were cheerful and had smug smiles while announcing the activity that everyone already knew about. Since there were so many students, the groups would be in trios instead of the traditional pairs. The groups were formed within each class and were drawn out of lucky papers in a hat. Asuka was the first student to pick names from her class hat. She took a breath in and out before she picked the papers. She manifested Fuyumi in her mind with all her strength, however, once she unfolded the papers, her head bowed in discouragement.

"I can't believe this. Out of everyone in the entire class, I get paired with the two of you." Asuka's disappointment was evident when she presented her results to her teammates.

None other than Tanaka and Nishinoya. They weren't too enthusiastic about it either.

"Hey! Don't look at us like that!" Nishinoya shouted. "I'm not exactly pleased with this situation either!"

"Knowing you, if anything comes, you'll sacrifice us and run the other way." Tanaka yelled accusing Asuka which left her in disbelief.

"She will abandon us for a second time today!" the other boy shouted.

"Seriously? Move on from it already!" Asuka's voice got louder as well. "Two guys that shout in my ears at every little thing. That's exactly what I needed…" she sighed.

"Let's make a pact!" Nishinoya suggested. "No matter what, we can't abandon each other! No pranks!"

"Not a shabby idea." Asuka said.

"Are you in? You better be!" Tanaka pointed a finger at her.

"Okay, fine. But you really can't leave me alone." her voice trembled.

The boys nodded determined. All Asuka could do was trust them.

Even though she accused them of yelling and screaming like girls, the truth was she screamed just as much as them. They were glued to each other in fright and their grips tighten at every jump scare. At the end of the road, her legs were exhausted from running away from the teacher's antics and her arms were sore from holding the two boys too tight. Her throat was also a mess from all the yelling. Out of her breath, she swore to herself to never do one of those ever again.

***

A/N:

It's been a while! There's many reasons for why it took this long to finally post this fic again, but the main one was because I thought I was messing it up. I don't know, I felt like I made a huge mistake by not re-watching Free! before attempting to write this. Truth is, I don't recall Free's timeline all that well. I've alongated Free's timeline like crazy and mainly following Haikyuu's timeline instead because it's still fresh on my head. Although, I never said this fic would follow the canon, I really should emphasize that it's really focused on the OC instead of canon. More to myself than to you. Thankfully, I've been reading other Free! fanfics and regained memories from the canon that I can really use on this fic. I feel more confident about it and I think I have a better grasp at the timeline and the pace of things.

So, it's better that I start writing the next chapter before I forget, right?


End file.
